Changes

So, aside from the more obvious physical changes related to this weight loss, I am dealing with a lot of emotional/psychological changes for which I was ill-prepared. It’s usually easier for me to just list things so:

1) This one I believe is quite similar to what most people face when they are losing weight: I still see myself as the person I was almost 100 lbs ago, physically. I think about this often and I wonder if it is just because I am still close to 300 lbs and have so much more to lose? Or is it because my mind hasn’t caught up with my body? All of these are hypothetical questions, of course, because each person has their own unique story. I’ll give an example of how these thoughts manifest. I  walk into a coffee shop and the realize that there are only booths. My heart races and I begin to feel uncomfortable because the old me had to squeeze into booths at restaurants. As the hostess directs me, I glance around for any other seating option and a little piece of me dies because I think the hostess along with everyone else at the restaurant is thinking “There is no way she’s fitting into that booth.” I swallow hard and wait for the hostess to turn around before sliding into the booth without problem. The new me generally has more than enough room. I laugh and enjoy my success/joy. No harm no foul, right? Not necessarily. This fluctuation of emotion is painful. I look in the mirror and it’s so difficult for me to see the progress I have made. I continue to see an obese woman. I think: I’ve been doing this for a long time and I still look like this? The road ahead is just as long as the road behind. Then, I pull up my pictures or try on some article of clothing that is too big and I celebrate my success/joy. Still…..Painful.

I will continue this post later….. 🙂

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