Obstaining in the Midst of Temptation and Rationalization.

I attempted to write this last night, but fell asleep cuddling the laptop instead! Ha! Anyway, I went out to karaoke with some friends last night. I had a few drinks (whiskey/diet. Did you know Whiskey has the lowest calorie content of any liquor? Only 55 cal/oz.) and had a great time. We sang, and giggled. I had noticed a menu, but ignored it. I had a moment of weakness and mentioned to my wife that I wanted whataburger after the bar. I had pretty much decided that that was what I was going to do. Leave the bar, and meet my wife for whataburger for her lunch at 2 am! Then another friend of mine showed up and ordered food. As I’m sure you know, bar food is never healthy. Even the “salad” is covered in greasy chicken and fattening dressing. Anyway, her starter showed up (chips and salsa) and while I was tempted (in my tipsyness) to partake in “just one” I refrained. WIN number one. But, then the rest of her food showed up. She had ordered a sampler. Quesadilla, potato boats, poor boy sandwich, sour cream, pico de gallo, everything fucking amazing. The moment it hit the table, my stomach started screaming in “hunger.” Every rationale in my head told me it was okay, it was just one night, I could afford to not get a gold star for one night, start again tomorrow Candace, you’ll be fine, you won’t even gain a pound, you worked out hard today and burned tons of calories. What I did next shocks me to my core. I reached over and GAVE MY FRIENDS A HUG AND LEFT THE BAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I went straight home and went to bed. I did NOT stop at Taco Bell. I did NOT binge on cereal or peanut butter sandwiches when I got home! I ABSTAINED!!!!!!!! WHAT??? WIN!!!!

I am so proud of myself for last night. So, I’m another day clean! Today is day 5!

 

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A lot of accomplishments today!

I had a great day today! 

-Clean eating day.

-Great Workout day: upper body and cardio was housecleaning.

-I’m writing a blog post!

-Cleaned the damn house AND cooked a crap ton of food for the next few days. 

I am proud of today. The last few days are behind me, this damn holiday season is behind me. I was going to wait until the new year after I realized I couldn’t control myself on Christmas with all the parties at work and my patient’s families bringing things I don’t have the strength to refuse yet. Then, I realized that I was falling back into those excuses. That “I’ll start tomorrow” attitude. Anyway, today was good. For that I am proud. Now, time to face tomorrow. 

My days are long lately. Let’s look at today for instance:

12:30a- went to bed

5:15a- back up

6a-2p relatively uncomplicated day at work.

2:20p back home, cooked 4th meal, walked my wife through a phone call to set up an interview for tomorrow. 

3:20-4:30p Gym

4:40- Picked up Odin pup from the vet. Poor little thing got neutered today. He’s NOT happy about it. 

5p- Back home to cook about 10 lbs of chicken, monitoring the pup, giving pain meds, dinner and water to him. 

6:15p- watched one episode of Grey’s with the wife, then she’s off to bed for a pre-work nap.

7:15p- back to clean the kitchen, cook veggies and rice sides for the chicken. Prepare breakfast and lunch dishes for her and I for tonight/tomorrow.

8:45p- swept and mopped the whole house, started a load of throw blankets and took the pup out.

9:20p- start the process of waking the wife up for work. 

9:35p- see her off to work. Now, I need 6th meal and an episode of Army Wives before shower and bed. I’ll likely pass out around 11. 

I’m tired, but all of this work is going to be so worth it when I’m FINALLY back in my groove. I have the ability to create good habits, good patterns. I just don’t always allow myself to use that ability. 

Gold Star Grind Baby!!!

Candace Needs Some Fucking Accountability!

  • I earn one star for a full day of clean eating.
    • No binging, no eating trigger foods, no eating outside of my designated eating plan.
    • Foods I must avoid: Cereal, Cheese, Popcorn, Peanut butter, Chocolate (or candy of any variety really), Taco Bell (or any fast food really).
  • I earn one star for a workout.
    • Must include 30 min of cardio and 30 min of weight training OR 1 hr of cardio (zumba, dance, etc) with a 20 min weight training warm up OR 1 workout with my kick ass trainer!
  • I earn one star for every 5 lb weight loss.
    • I can only weigh once a week on Sundays with the Biggest Loser weigh-ins! The scale will be hidden from me during the week.
  • I earn one star for communicating and not isolating myself.
    • This includes blog posts, meetups, counseling sessions, friendship chats (“going out” doesn’t count), or reach-out phone calls.
  • FOR EVERY 30 STARS EARNED I  GET A REWARD NOT  RELATED TO FOOD. THIS MAY INCLUDE A MOVIE DATE NIGHT, A NEW OUTFIT, A DAY OF LAZY TV WATCHING, OR A NIGHT OUT ON THE TOWN AS MONEY PERMITS.
  • A-xmzHkCIAAx7Iu

New Guest List, same party!

Let’s talk a little about some things that run through my mind because some really negative people I have recently cut out of my life said things and my poor self-esteem twisted them into the following:

– No one wants to read a blog filled with self-loathing and whining.

– If you emphasize your weight loss, you’ll hurt other people’s feelings.

– You shouldn’t say things on your blog/facebook. Someone might think it’s about them, and you are

responsible for other’s feelings and reactions to your posts.

– Stop saying that your weight loss makes you feel good/sexy. Others don’t feel good/sexy OR others

thought you were good/sexy before. Why do you have to lose weight to feel good/sexy? Stop it.

– You are not as important as other people.

– You shouldn’t expect people to want to be there for you on a very important day in your life, they have other more

important things to do. Besides, a wedding isn’t about the guests. You’ll be thankful less people are going

to be there, it’s too expensive.

-All of your friends have backed away from you because no one can stand how insensitive you are to

their feelings.

– Don’t expect people to support you. Don’t talk about your struggles because it isn’t fair to the people

who have worse struggles than you do.

My weight loss journey is about me. ME….How do I feel? How am I doing? How do I recover? Yes I am sharing my story so that others can be inspired! Not so that I can be held responsible for their demons. I have my own that I have to deal with, clearly. Please keep yours away!

I am important. I do mean something! I may not be a perfect person, I am not malicious or manipulative or rude. I deserve happiness. I will find it. I will fight until my last breath.